Batman #232 with Kate (and Dan)

::Kate sits alone in a dark room. The only light is coming from a single floor lamp, casting a brilliant light over the right side of her face. The harsh light makes her eye tear, but she’s too stubborn to adjust the shade. Also, she sits with her fingers tented like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons. ‘Cause she thinks it looks cool.::

K: That’s a really long opening. Do you think anyone is still reading?

D: I dunno. Does anyone ever read this?

K: Good call. I hear we have tens of readers.

D: Enough of this Rosencrantz and Guildenstern behind-the-curtain business.

K: Ok. Right. Here goes.

::clears throat::

Soon… SOON… SOOON… the world will feel my wrath! Enough of the Mild Mannered Kate! Soon… SOON… SOOON the world will know the power of my evil! The power of…

D: Dark Kate?

K: No, I don’t like that one. Too X-Men-y.

D: Kate the Red?

K: Too obvious. Sounds like I’m a Viking or something.

D: Then I got nothing.

K: I see where you’re going, though. We’ll come back to this one.

D: Sooo…?

K: What?

D: …

K: … ?

D: So… why the switch to evil?

K: I got this cape. And it looked cool. So I thought “All the best bad guys wear capes.”

D: The complete change in lifestyle choice and eventual world domination is due to a wardrobe change?

K: Yup. *whispers* And the best part is the cape was free. World domination that won’t cost me a dime!

D: So, how did you come to be the proud owner of this cape, Kate the Merciless?

K: Too Flash Gordon-y. Some guy in front of the comic shop handed it to me.

::dons Cape of Evil::

He brushed my cheek with his hand – SUPER CREEPY – and whispered “EVIL.”

I prefer to think of it as “Give a Girl a Cape and Change Her Life Day.” Good? Evil? I’m the one with cape.

D: So here you sit, plotting evil deeds in your chair of evil. Look out, world. Here comes Evil Kate!

K: Eh, too He-Man-y.

D: Ok, so if you’re going to be the next Big Bad, take a look at the first appearance of one of Batman’s most dangerous foes: Ra’s al Ghul .

::tosses Kate a copy of BATMAN: DAUGHTER OF THE DEMON:: Please don’t take any offense to the title, Kate of the Demon.

K: Gimme! ::swipes book:: Also, did you just call my dad “the Demon”? That’s weird.

K: That is some awesome 1970’s era Bat-stuff right there! Writer Denny O’Neil grabs you right out of the gate when Robin is kidnapped! And that panel where he is shot twice? Still hits hard 43 years later!

D: And that’s where the adventure starts. Soon after Batman’s ward goes missing, we meet one Ra’s al Ghul. His daughter Talia has been kidnapped, as well, and he thinks the abductions are related. That’s when he calls in the Dark Knight for help. But instead of calling him on the Bat-phone, Mr. al Ghul and his henchman Ubu just show up in the Batcave. How the hell?! It’s not like the Batcave is listed on any map of the super-heroes homes, or anything?

K: I can tell that this guy’s bad news cause he wears a cape! ::shakes her own cape:: He also has a henchman. I need a henchman. Wanna be my henchman? Eh, forget it. You’re too skinny to be a henchman. What about you, Dog? Boston terriers can be henchmen. Hench dogs. Whatever.

D: ::stares::

K: Fine. So our guy Ra’s al Ghul drags The Batman half way around the world to India to try to find Talia and the Boy Wonder. The Batman wrestles a leopard! They climb a mountain! Like I said: ADVENTURE!

D: The scene on the mountain when Batman is dodging the sniper fire is freaking amazing. Denny O’Neil gives us a Batman who uses his brain as much as his fists. In true tactical style, he tosses his coat down the mountain to distract the assassin, and then…BAM!!…The Batman takes out the rifleman! Awesome stuff right there! The modern movie Batman would have just walked up to the killer and punched him in the face. Over and over and over until the guy dropped the gun. Not the Classic Bat. And Neil Adams renders the whole thing flawlessly. Greater minds than ours have praised Adams better than we ever could. So I’ll just say this: You people reading this? All tens of you. Go. Go and find a Neil Adams book. Go and see just how amazing a “comic book” can be. Go.

K: Word. The old skool is the best skool. Once The Batman gets past the gunmen he meets the Brotherhood of the Demon! Then the Bat-gloves come off and he doles out a little Bat-justice on the band of bad guys.

::assumes the Crane pose from the Karate Kid movie, falls down::

D: You do realize, the path to world domination, much like women’s roller derby, is fraught with minor bumps, bruises, and sprains, right? I’m just saying, maybe you should work a bit more on that Crane pose before launching your unholy reign? Also, kneepads are a thing you may enjoy.

K: I think I’ll take a cue from Mr. al Ghul, and rule my network of evil from behind the scenes. Oh! And also, find myself a giant hulking henchman. Until then, I’m renaming the Dog “Ubu.”

Ubu the Dog: ::licks chops, goes back to sleep::