Batman ’66 with Kate (and Dan)

 ::zoom in on Kate and Dan waiting in a deserted shopping mall parking lot late at    night::

K: Tell me again why we’re standing out here, freezing our butts off in the middle of the night?

D: I got a message saying we have to meet a guy.

K: You’ve got two minutes. Then I’m gone. I mean it. “GEE OH EN EE” GONE!

D: You’ll see…

::Just then, a Delorean appears in an explosion of light. But instead of Doc Brown exiting the car, it’s…::

K & D: BRUCE WAYNE???

Bruce Wayne: No time to explain. Get in the car!

D: What is it? What’s wrong? Do we have to go to the future? Is something wrong with the kids we don’t have?

BW: No. We have to go back to the past!

K: The past??? Did we mess up our parents? IS DAN’S MOM HOT FOR HIM?

D: Eeewwww…

K: ‘Cept, she’d call you Fruit of the Loom instead of Calvin Klein, because you wear…

D: Shut. Up.

BW: Get in the car already, or I’ll hit you with a Bat-Karate chop.

::All three climb into a very uncomfortable sports car. Kate gets her skirt caught on the gull wing door. It’s a freaking comedy of errors.::

K: Well. That was embarrassing.

D: I think you mean “em BARE ASS ing!” AMIRIGHT?

BW: That does it. Bat-Karate chop!

D: OW!

K: If our timeline isn’t messed up, then what’s going on? Where are we going?

BW: You guys are fine. It’s comics that are messed up. Somewhere along the line, things got dark and depressing. My DARK KNIGHT RETURNS book was cool. And BATMAN: YEAR ONE is one of my all time favorites. But come on, not every Bat-Book needs to be so darn grim. I like a little Bat-Fun now and then…

K: So where are we going?

BW: We’re going back… to BATMAN ’66!

D: The Swinging Sixites! ::does horrible Austin Powers impression:: Do I make you horny?

BW: No.

K: No. And stop that. You’re embarrassing yourself in the Bat-Time Machine.  So, Bruce, what’s so special about ’66?

BW: Here. Check out this comic book. BATMAN ’66 is actually a digital first book put out by DC Comics. The print version just came out this month. See? They just weren’t so grim then. I had my fair share of run-ins with the usual rogue’s gallery of villains: Catwoman, The Riddler, Penguin. Gotham City was always in need of my help. But we got to dance in my books! I miss dancing. You know I had my own dance named after me?

D: Yes. The Batusi. You did have some groovy moves.

K: Hmm… Looks like this adventure involves the Riddler stealing some art. I like a good art caper story now and then. ::pulls on black stocking cap, smears black paint onto face::

D: Did the art pieces pose a threat to the world if they were arranged in a certain formation? Were they pieces of art originally stolen by the Nazis?

BW: Nooo. He just liked the artist. The Boy Wonder and I tracked down the stolen art to Catwoman’s dance club. Did I mention I like to dance?

D: Yes. Batusi. We covered that.

BW: Oh yeah. The Bat-memory fails me some days. Bat-Time Travel will do that to a guy. You know what else I miss from BATMAN ’66?

K: A free wheeling Alfred? I don’t think modern-era Alfred would take the fireman’s pole down to the Bat-Cave.

BW: That’s “Bat-Fireman’s Pole”, thank you. No, I miss the bright colors. Blues were brilliant. Reds were ravishing. Purples popped. Now Gotham is 50 Shades of Grey, but not as sexy. Not that I read that book. Hey, look over there, hippies.

K: I can see you Bat-blushing.

D: ::pages through comic book, points:: Mr. Wayne is right. The colors are brighter here. Gotham doesn’t look nearly and run down and dirty. Heck, the story takes place in the daytime. And it isn’t even raining! People are actually gathered in public places without looking over their shoulders. They look… I dunno…

K: Happy? I think they might be happier knowing that George Clooney will wear the Bat-suit someday.

BW & D: We don’t talk about that.

K: It’s pretty rad that…

D: “Rad?”

K: It’s pretty bitchin’ that…

D: “BITCHIN?”

K: It’s pretty great that Jeff Parker is able to translate the ’66 vibe that Bruce so clearly is missing into a monthly digital/floppy book. This is a fun, well-told book that anyone of any age can pick up.

D: I keep staring at the art. I’m not familiar with Jonathan Case, but his character renderings are amazing. His Bruce Wayne IS Adam West. His Julie Newmar looks just like Julie Newmar! It’s pretty amazing. The coloring is explosive, and may not be everyone’s cup of Bat-Tea…

K: Gross.

D: … but I’m all for experimenting with the style.

BW: I just like that I get to smile in these stories.

K: Has anyone else noticed that we haven’t moved since we got in the car?

::Doc Brown strolls by in front of the car holding a flux capacitor::

DB: Missing something? That’ll teach you, Wayne! Try and steal my car, will you? ::mutters:: “Bat-Time machine”…