Buddy Cops With Kate (And Dan)

AN ALL-NEW, EXTRA SPECIAL, BONUS EDITION OF “KATE (AND DAN) READ…BUDDY COPS!”

(fade-in: Dan standing at the kitchen sink diligently scrubbing the dinner dishes when “You’re My Best Friend” by Queen comes on the hi-fi. He runs into the living room to investigate the sonic assault.)

K: ::singing poorly:: “OH YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND! OOH YOU MAKE ME LIVE”

D: Good gravy. Stop singing. Please!

K: “OOH YOU’RE THE BEST FRIEND I EVER HAD”

D: ::pulls plug on the hi-fi:: HEY! You’re scaring the dog. (Editor’s note: dog is cowering under couch, whimpering.)

K: We’ve been watching a lot of buddy movies lately, some good, but most bad. Bad Boys, Blues Brothers, Smokey and the Bandit II, DC Cab.

D: DC Cab wasn’t a buddy movie.

K: No, but it was bad. Those movies got me thinking about buddies and the Queen song and I had to listen to it with the hi-fi turned to 11.

D: The volume knob only goes to 10.

K: Exactly.

D: ::blinks::

K: And I just finished reading BUDDY COPS by Nate Cosby with art by Evan “Doc” Shaner. That, my friend, is a prime example of a buddy movie…comic…media-thing…you know what I mean.

D: Red, not even God knows what you mean.

K: GOD DOES SO KNOW WHAT I MEAN! <ahem> I mean, God does so know what I mean. And so would you if you’d stop being a buttface and read BUDDY COPS. ::covers mouth with hand, squints eyes, whispers:: Buttface!

—————-Much reading, giggling, and laugh-induced chocking goes here————-

D: Hands down, this is the funniest damn thing I’ve read all year!

K: It’s only April.

D: Shut up. You know what I mean.

K: Not even God-

D: We already used that line!

K: DAMN.

D: Really, though. This book kills me. The premise is so simple; it’s spelled out on page one with two short paragraphs, two panels, and two figure shots. That’s all Cosby needs as the setup for the entire book, as well as the “origin story” for our heroes.

K: ::stands on dining room table:: DRUNK SPACE COP WITH A SPACE SWORD! ANAL RETENTIVE POLICE ROBOT! ZOW! POW! ::falls off table:: Shit.

D: I so knew that was going to happen.

K: ::lays on floor, with leg clearly bent at unnatural angle:: So the space cop, Uranus, goes on adventures with the robot cop, T.A.Z.E.R. And the space cop is drunk all the time and the robot cop is all “knock it off you’re a space cop for crying out loud and NO you can’t blow that up/break that thing/slice and dice with your space sword.”

D: Right. And during the whole thing, Shaner draws the chaos with a clean, confident style. His lines are very clean and uncluttered, which is weird considering all the craziness the script makes him draw.

K: I like the part where Uranus gives birth to the alien plant baby!

D: I DIDN’T GIVE BIRTH TO AN ALIEN PLANT BABY FROM MY ANUS!

K: Hahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! SUCKER!

D: I hate you.

K: That may be so, but you love BUDDY COPS. Now help me up off of the floor…