Guilty Pleasures: Dave White

Mr. Bond, you appear with the tedious inevitability of an unloved season.”

I didn’t know there were seasons in space, Drax.”

You will only know winter.”

I am a die hard James Bond fan. I’ll watch almost all the movies any time they’re on, and I champion the good ones. Casino Royale, From Russia With Love, and—of course—Goldfinger are always in the rotation as movies I can’t turn off.

And then there’s the Roger Moore era.

I don’t really connect with the Moore films. They’re too campy, too silly, and filled with plots more nonsensical than usual.

Except Moonraker.

On the outside I hate Moonraker. It puts Bond in space, it feature Jaws… who ends up not being scary, but goofy AND FALLS IN LOVE. People chase Bond through the streets of Venice (in a gondola-car no less) and the streets of Rio for no reason. Instead of just killing Bond in a forest, the evil mastermind hands Bond a gun to do away with his assassin.

It’s awful.

And yet, for some reason, when it’s on, I can’t turn it off. It’s so bad it’s good. There are some fantastic stunts—including the opening freefall scene. And there are some solid laughs. And there are parts that are great unintentional comedy. Look at the dialogue I quoted above. There hasn’t been a more horrific conversation written. It doesn’t even make sense.

But I watch. I watch to see Bond attempt to run—Moore doesn’t run well. I watch because the scene in the gravity simulator, or whatever it is, is actually kinda the most realistic moment of the movie. There are some cool gadgets too.

It’s an awful Bond movie. And when Bond movies are bad… they’re really bad.

But I can never turn it off. Perversely, I kind of enjoy it.

And it really hurts to admit that.

Dave White is the author of the e-book exclusive WITNESS TO DEATH, currently available for your Kindle or Nook, as well as THE EVIL THAT MEN DO and WHEN ONE MAN DIES. HE lives in New Jersey with his wife.