Kate (and Dan) Read TRANSMETROPOLITAN #1

K: ManOmanOman! I freaking love FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS. It’s on my “reread once a year” list. Not only is it a great book, but also it’s just as relevant today as it was when it first came out. And the movie with Johnny Depp ain’t half bad either. ::wiggles eyebrows in a lecherous manner::

D: I am aware of your affinity for gonzo journalism, but, like Mr. Hunter S. Thompson, we have a column to put out. So in the spirit of antiestablishmentarianism, may I present to you 1997’s TRANSMETROPLTAN, by Warren Ellis?


::Kate is now wearing camo-pants, white tank top, and hair is pulled back and tied with a rubber band. Also, is smoking. Poorly. But she’s looking tough, for sure::

K: ::mumbles to self, paces:: It’s not right. It’s not right. ::slams a Jolt soda, chains another cigarette:: It’s not right. It’s not right.

D: What’s not right?

K: Everything! Don’t you see? The monkeys in the trees know that they’re building missiles in South America. Big corporations are doing terrible things with grandma’s church money. AND NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT IT. NO ONE CARES. I gotta tell them. I gotta make them care. I gotta be a JOURNALIST.

::Cobbles together a futuristic workstation with the remnants of an outdated HP Pavilion, an iPhone 3g, and broken transistor radio parts that is now capable of tapping into all the worlds media. Also, tattoos and sunglasses::

D: That’s incredible! Where did this drive to become the World’s Truth Teller come from? Not to mention this badass street attitude, the technical know-how, and desire to smoke? And tattoos? Really?

K: TRANSMETROPOLITAN really spoke to me! The story of future journalist Spider Jerusalem is the story that all civic-minded folks should read. Except folks that don’t like swearing; they may not like it. But still! One man in a future world filled with overwhelming cynicism, boredom, debauchery, and future tech. One man who still feels the need to TELL THE WORLD THE TRUTH!! Whether they want to hear it our not.

What can I say? ::takes a drag on her cigarette, coughs up a lung:: It’s a story that speaks to me.

D: Normally this is the part of the show when I try to talk you off whatever ledge you’ve wandered onto, but I like this street-wise Kate, so I’ll let you carry on. Except the smoking part. You’re stinking up the house, and you look like a poser.

K: Good, ‘cause I was going to fucking die. Now I can focus on telling the world THE TRUTH!!!

D: What is this “truth” you keep going on about? How do you know about missiles in South America? Why do you know about missiles in South America? Since when do you know there IS a South America?!

K: I can’t tell you because they can hear everything we say, man. Don’t you understand?!? Everything has gone to hell and you don’t even see it!

D: ::backs away from the crazed woman:: Now you’re scaring me.

K: ::slams another Jolt:: Spider Jerusalem gets it! Life in the City is corrupt and horrible! It’s going to blacken your soul! Jerusalem had the right idea. I’m moving to the Mountain to get away from the evil, evil City!

D: Whoa there, Red. Now I’m gonna talk you off of that ledge. Remember why Jerusalem was called back to the City? He had a contract to write 2 more books. He had commitments he had to honor.

K: So what?!? I’m not going to let The Man hold ME down! I’m out of here before the stink of it all seeps into my soul. I’m going back up the Mountain.

D: You have bills that you need to pay. People in the City are depending on you to do…whatever it is that you do. You can’t just up and move to the Mountain. Besides, there aren’t any mountains in Minnesota.

K: ::frowns, kicks ground:: Stupid glaciers.

D: ::looks to audience:: So, to put a bow on it all, TRANSMETROPOLITAN ran from 1997-2002. Mr. Ellis typed it out, while Darick Robertson drew it. It was 60 issues of pure ideas, channeled through these two gentlemen. DC comics published it originally through there short-lived Sci-Fi line HELIX, but that soon folded, and TRANSMETROPOLITAN was the only book rescued and brought over to their VERTIGO line. All ten volumes are available, and are currently being hunted down by my reviewing partner, Kate.

Kate, who really, REALLY enjoyed TRANSMETROPOLITAN issue #1.