Monday Movie Quote: M*A*S*H*

“We are the Pros from Dover and we figure to crack this kid’s chest and get out to golf course before it gets dark”

From time to time, in the real world, I use this quote. 99% of the time, I get a blank look in response. But when it is recognized, I know I am talking to somebody special.

I am a hyooge fan of the late Robert Altman. Even at his worst, his work is interesting. At his best, he stands tall with the gods.

The following is from his 1970 film M*A*S*H*

Capt. Peterson: [hostile tone of voice] What are you two HOODLUMS doing in this hospital?
Hawkeye Pierce: Ma’am, we are surgeons and we are here to operate. We just waiting for a starting time. That’s all.
Capt. Peterson: You can’t even go near a patient until Col. Merrill says its ok and he’s still out to lunch.
Trapper John: Look, mother, I want to go to work in one hour. We are the Pros from Dover and we figure to crack this kid’s chest and get out to golf course before it gets dark. So you go find the gas-passer and you have him pre-medicate this patient. Then bring me the latest pictures on him. The ones we saw must be 48 hours old by now. Then call the kitchen and have them rustle us up some lunch.
[turns to Hakweye]
Trapper John: Ham and eggs will all right.
[turns back to Capt. Peterson]
Trapper John: Steak would be even better. And then give me at least ONE nurse who knows how to work in close without getting her tits in my way.
Capt. Peterson: [outraged] Oh!
[turns to leave and bumps into Nurse in Japan]
Capt. Peterson: Oh! Fool!
[stomps out of ward]
Nurse in Japan: How do you want your steak cooked?