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This just in from FABLES headquarters

Who said tax day had to be filled with misery? April 15th marks the beginning of THE GREAT FABLES CROSSOVER! A 9-part tale—written by Bill Willingham and Matt Sturges—combining FABLES #83 (on sale April 15, 2009) with art by Mark Buckingham and Andrew Pepoy and debuting covers by Brazilian newcomer Joao Ruas, JACK OF FABLES #33 (on sale April 22, 2009) with art by Russ Braun and Jose Marzan Jr. and covers by Brian Bolland, and a new miniseries called THE LITERALS #1 (on sale April 29, 2009) with art by Mark Buckingham and Andrew Pepoy and covers by Mark Buckingham. What a thrill! Three books a month for three months in which Jack makes his way back to the Farm, Kevin Thorn is at a writing retreat and is on the verge of writing everything that currently exists out of existence and….

Wait a second, something utterly ridiculous just landed on my desk. Now, it’s against my better judgment to share it with you, but I can trust you, right?

Seven good reasons why you shouldn’t read The Great Fables Crossover.

1) It’s an actual crossover, where certain characters (Bigby, Snow and Jack for example) are forced, for the good of the story, to leave the security of their own books, and journey over to strange and uncomfortable alien books. Why torture our beloved characters this way? Why not leave them safely ensconced in their comfort zones? If you read The Great Fables Crossover, you’re supporting such barbarous and heinous practices as these.

2) During The Great Fables Crossover, there’s a very good chance that all of existence will be wiped out with the stroke of a pen. That’s not a very good idea, is it? You don’t want to suddenly cease to exist. If you don’t read it, it can’t happen, right? Ignorance is bliss. What you don’t know can’t hurt you – and so on.

3) Unlike most big comics company crossover events, this one has a single coherent story. It’s not a last minute thing thrown together by multitudes of writers, each only vaguely aware of the story as a whole. There aren’t dozens of editorially-mandated changes made to this story every day, based upon all of the things “we just thought up over lunch,” or, “these changes are required to cover up the mistakes that the other platoon of writers made, and then we’ll have to make more changes tomorrow to account for these changes today.” By comparison, The Great Fables Crossover is just one, solid, comprehensible story, planned well in advance. That might raise the standards of future crossover events industry wide and ruin things for everyone.

4) The Great Fables Crossover makes actual, lasting changes to the fictional Fables universe. Who wants more changes? Everyone who’s comfortable with the status quo ought to consider just sitting this one out.

5) This means Jack comes back into the main Fables book and stays just long enough to ruin everything. Jack is not a respectful person and shouldn’t be allowed to taint the dignity of this book we love so much.

6) Everyone who works on Fables-related books seems to be having far too much fun doing it. In these newly troubled times, why should a small group of people (none of which could survive if they were forced to get a real job) be allowed to escape the misery? Why should they be allowed to have such a good time? And if everyone reads The Great Fables Crossover they’ll just be all the more encouraged to continue in their silly antics. Best to stop them now – rein them in, before things get entirely out of hand.

7) Too many lingering questions are answered in this Crossover. What well-known Fables cast member is revealed as Jack’s long lost father? Answered! Whatever happened to Jack’s illegitimate son? Answered! What is the true nature and ultimate fate of the Literals? Answered! How low can Rose Red fall before she hits bottom? Answered! What’s that egg that has been sitting on Snow White’s (and then Beauty’s) desk since the first issue? Answered! And many more dangling questions are revealed and answered. With so many answers being handed out so promiscuously in one crossover, how much material can be left for the rest of the two Fables series to continue on? This crossover is just too greedy with all the unchecked story advancement.

You’ve been warned, Aldous Pogue, President of the Anti Great Fables Crossover Society