Karina Kilmore says her pet dog Poppy encouraged her to take the leap to become a novelist and was there every step of the way.
It still cripples me. Two years later, Iโm caught unawares. The twist in my chest feels like a heart attack, the choking pain in my throat strangles my words and my breath.
โThey sayโ the price of unconditional unwavering love from our pets is grief. As we quickly absorb their love into our lives, itโs only when they die that we become aware of the terrible hidden price that must now be paid. That grief, that price, is also unconditional and unwavering.
When my Poppy dog died I had to be with her. After 18 years I couldnโt leave it to some vetโs hands. I looked into her eyes, stroked her little chest, let her tongue lick me one more time. I saw the light leave those milky eyes as they remained fixed on me. I saw and felt her frail body finally relax. Instead of sadness or grief or fear, in that moment she gave me one more gift, peace. I force myself back to that gift, that peace, whenever the grief hits.
Making the decision is hard. Very hard. I had been to the vet the day before to put her to sleep but went home again with her. I was unable to say goodbye. Perhaps sensing my trauma, she let me know it was time. She did not stand, she did not eat, again. With 100 per cent certainty I knew she wanted to leave this world. Even in her death she seemed to be putting me first as she did her whole life.
From puppyhood, a product of a now banned breeding farm, she came with needs. A spinal tap, huge medical treatments and lots of care. This small fluffy white bundle flourished, especially in the arms of my six year old daughter. They helped each other grow. A shy little only child suddenly had a new boisterous adventure seeking side kick. Poppy gave her confidence and a reason to talk to people. Poppy was always naughty, running off every chance, chewing clothes, furniture, homework (yes, true) and she stayed naughty her whole life. I loved her for it.
She was not meant to live long, given her poor start to life, but she lived to age 18, well beyond her expected seven to ten years. I like to think she knew how much we needed her and she stayed on to guide us. Stayed until my daughter evolved into a confident beautiful independent adult. Stayed to get us through tough times. Stayed to soothe my motherโs dementia until her passing. Stayed to gaze lovingly night or day into my eyes. Is this grief too high a price to pay? Sometimes, yes. But that is fleeting now. The answer is no. Iโm so grateful to have had her and I would choose her again even now knowing the price.
Karina is a fiction and non-fiction author and a career investigative journalist – with more than 3 million words published.
She has a passion for consumer rights and social justice and is a strong financial rights advocate.
Karina’s debut crime novel, Where the Truth Lies, received unprecedented acknowledgement and was shortlisted for five awards. Her recently completed second novel – Against Their Will – was immediately purchased internationally for release in the USA and Canada through Blackstone Publishing. It is her international debut and is released in May 2026.
Karina is also Chairman of the Australian Crime Writers Association, a judge of the Ned Kelly Awards and the International Thriller Writers Awards. She is a constant volunteer and mentor to young writers.
(Karina grew up in New Zealand and is of Maori heritage but lives in Australia.)
