Growing up, we moved frequently, following my professor father’s career across the country. From Chicago to Los Angeles, to Austin, Boston and Columbus, Ohio, each new state brought different culinary traditions into our lives. But something magical happened when we lived in CaliforniaโI fell in love with California cuisine. Having parents who were both natives helped.
The fresh, vibrant ingredients. The fusion of different cultural influences. The emphasis on local, seasonal produce. Even after we left the Golden State, those culinary principles stayed with me, shaping my approach to cooking no matter where I lived.
Now that I’m back in California, I find myself reconnecting with those flavors daily. My kitchen is always stocked with avocados, fresh herbs, and local produce. I believe food should be nourishing and beautifulโsimple preparations that let quality ingredients shine.
One of my personal favorites is a healthier take on the classic Caesar salad. I start with crisp romaine hearts, then add a light dressing made with Greek yogurt instead of raw eggs, anchovy paste for that authentic flavor, fresh garlic, and just enoughโ
Oh, please. You’re putting everyone to sleep, Kaira. Let me take it from here.
Hello, darlings. Jill Tingley speakingโyes, THAT Jill, the one from Laguna Beach who’s apparently “not happy” (according to the title of Kaira’s new book about me). While Kaira’s off making her sad little yogurt dressing, let me tell you about food that actually matters.
I’ve always said a well-fed husband is a faithful husband. That’s why I have what I call my “Husband Keeper” collection of recipes. They’re guaranteed to keep him coming home night after nightโat least until I decide otherwise.
You see, in Southern California, appearances matter. And nothing says “perfect marriage” like a woman who can throw together an impressive meal while maintaining her highlights and manicure. It’s not about healthโit’s about keeping control. And my Sleep-Tight Pot Roast is my piรจce de rรฉsistance when I need my husband’s complete attention.
Sleep-Tight Pot Roast
Ingredients:
- 3 pounds beef roast (like your marriage, the more tender the better)
- 2 cups red wine (the stronger the better, dearsโand if taken from your in-laws’ fabulous cellar without permission, exquisite)
- Special seasoning blend* (my secret recipe. please email me for specifics)
- Root vegetables of your choice (they hide so many flavors)
- A dash of patience
Instructions:
- Marinate meat overnight (so it will absorb all your special sauce)
- Add a little more special seasoning and blend gradually (what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, as long as he’s being truthful)
- Cook low and slow (like revenge)
- Serve with a loving smile
Tip: Perfect for those nights when you need to have his complete, shall we say, undying attention.
Trust me, darlings, this recipe has never failed me. Every bite keeps him right where I want himโat my dining table, under my watchful eye. Because as a traditional wife, keeping up appearances is a full-time job. And no one does it better than me.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a dinner party to plan. My husband’s new colleague from the country club and his wife are coming over, and I need to make sure everyone understands exactly who runs this household. Nothing says “I’m watching you” quite like my signature chocolate soufflรฉ with a surprise center.
Kisses!
Kaira Rouda’s new marriage thriller JILL IS NOT HAPPY is available for preorder now.
